NEW YORK (TMZ) — The Big Apple doesn’t want its residents banging like rabbits during the coronavirus outbreak — so it’s got a set of strict (and graphically specific) guidelines on how to get it on during these contagious times.

The NYC Health Department posted recommendations over the weekend on how folks can have sex, while keeping the risk of catching COVID-19 low. For starters, they say sex with another person probably isn’t a good idea right now … so, they suggest masturbating.

If you are going to have sex with someone else, they have recommendations on who to bang first. The department says if you must, sleep with someone you live with, and try NOT to screw anyone outside the household if you can help. They also say limit the number of partners you’re hooking up with … which probably means no orgies either. Aw, man!

The most graphic suggestions come in the form of rim jobs (anus to mouth contact) and oral sex too. They say don’t eat ass right now — it probably ain’t safe — and if you’re gonna get slurped up by a partner … use a condom or a dental dam to reduce saliva swapping.

The Health Dept. also notes … if your partner’s not feeling well, skip the sex. And, for all the online daters, keep the interaction there for now too. What a time to be alive!

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NEVADA (TMZ) — The coronavirus has changed the way most of us live in fundamental ways, which made us wonder what was happening with some of the most intimate contacts — sex in brothels.

We contacted a half dozen of the biggest brothels in the Las Vegas area, and they’re all open for business … with an asterisk. One brothel manager said all customers must wear masks when they walk in and even during sex. It appears the women do not wear masks.

Another brothel manager said an enormous bottle of hand sanitizer sits on the bar, and Clorox wipes are used frequently to wipe down doorknobs, bathroom counters and other surfaces. Every brothel we called said they sanitized their joints on a regular basis.

And, one of the places told us they will send any women home even if she has a slight cold.

And, then there’s the famed Mustang Ranch … they say customers have their temperature checked before entering.

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LOS ANGELES (TMZ) — Coronavirus seems to have folks thinking they can do as they please — one LAPD officer claims he experienced it firsthand with a rogue, and possibly contagious, car parker.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … a cop in L.A. came across a woman this weekend whom he says was parked in a handicap spot without a proper placard, and when he approached her over the violation … we’re told things turned sickly.

Our sources say the woman almost instantly became combative with the officer, threatening to cough on him and give him coronavirus … something she claimed she’d contracted.

Well, that didn’t deter the cop … we’re told he arrested her for felony criminal threats. Unclear if the woman actually had COVID-19, but … we’re told the officer gloved up for the bust and washed up after.

As for whether the criminal threat charge will stick, that’s also hard to say for sure — as we’re told something like that is considered a wobbler — meaning if she’s eventually charged, the D.A. has the option to leave it a felony, or reduce to a misdemeanor.

Nonetheless, it’s pretty crazy that an alleged parking violation escalated to a viral face-off. Crazy times, indeed.

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